Werewolves on a Toilet Paper Rampage


“Man, I’m having a hell of a day. I just had a werewolf eat my face off.”

So says my gamer offspring.

And this is how our pandemic experience unfolds, us on our laptops, me writing, my husband Zooming and my sons gaming. My sons are in their 20’s now and hunkered down with us. I’m uncertain as to when any of us last showered. It’s quite possible a five o’clock shadow is forming on my chin – and I’m a woman, last time I checked.

Our mornings shine with a similar patina. My husband staggers out of bed and mutters: “I’m losing my sense of what day it is.”

”Wednesday,” I say, emptying yesterday’s coffee from the glass pot. “Coffee, pardner?”

He waves a hand, nodding emphatically YES, and then heads downstairs to a conference call with coworkers. At the end of their conversation, my husband wisecracks, “I need a vacation. When can I come back to the office?” There is a burst of commiserating laughter. Apparently, our digital universe is making some folks even busier during this virus pandemic.

One of my writing heroes, James Scott Bell, just said this experience feels like “Groundhog Day,” sans any furry underground mammals who can weather-forecast.

We are gaining weight, driving our pets nuts, snapping on plastic gloves like crime investigators and wearing a strange assortment of masks in public. I tried on one of those masks – darn thing was upside-down and had the steel construction of an underwire bra – and bloodied my nose. . . . an injury that could require plastic surgery.

In spite of these inconveniences and strange new existence – I know we’ll get through this. I cried seeing the USNS Comfort dock in NYC, wept seeing the firefighter brigade cheer on the medical staff in their protective gear. I cried seeing volunteers help food banks around the country. And then I cried seeing my husband wear the same shirt he put on five days earlier.  

Yes. We’ll get through it. We’ll all be chubbier and crankier and in large part, more grateful for all the things we take for granted . . . the lifestyles we enjoy, the conveniences, the people we love, even our trusty homes.

Me? Having a heckuva of a day here. I just ate the hell of this cherry cheesecake.

(It used to be bills we argued about.)

2 thoughts on “Werewolves on a Toilet Paper Rampage

  1. Janice Laird says:

    Dang, but I miss you! Great post. And by the way, I dress and shower every day. I’m also sticking to the diet as much as possible, getting in walks, and NOT baking.

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