Quarantine Your Clutter

Two things that most definitely do NOT go together:




While under quarantine, you become aware of your house as “containing things.” A pile here, a DVD you never watch there. It’s a decision, the “thing,” whether to pitch, donate, or cram into an already stuffed closet and includes items big and small.

Like makeup. Once I clung to my collection of makeup like Nefertiti clutched her scepter, until I watched a “Today” show where they discussed the importance of discarding eye shadow, foundation, blushes and the like.

 “Always toss your eye makeup after six months. Look at this mascara, for example,” explained the “Makeup Be-Gone” expert, waving around a twirl-ended applicator. Disgusted, the expert’s mouth downturned as though she’d just witnessed a filthy zoo pen being hosed down. “The contamination is unparalleled here! When examined under a microscope, the bacteria was so revolting that even the CDC fainted. Use this applicator, ladies, and you can say goodbye to functional eyesight.”

So into the garbage went the makeup and nail products. Let’s face it, when your fingernail polish is beginning to separate into some kind of congealed oil and a chemically suspicious polymer, it’s time to pitch that bottle of Perky Pink Peonies.

But clutter will always be a struggle.

I hesitate to donate something, lest my husband pokes around for it in the closet. “Where is that blue Izod shirt?”

“I donated it,” I reply. “They needed it as a historical reference for a new Netflix series set in the 1980s.”



2 thoughts on “Quarantine Your Clutter

  1. Janice Laird says:

    You are too funny! Yes, pitch the makeup that has separated and gone gunky. But mascara definitely lasts longer than six months. They just want you to buy more.

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